The absolute very first time I remember watching what the TV industry called ‘educational entertainment’ was in the early 70s after I’d graduated from Watch With Mother & Play School. Once you’d reached 5 or 6 years old and had decided you were an adult, 4pm was just too childish a time slot to watch TV (although you secretly took a sneaky peek when you got home from the classroom unless, that is, you went to public school and presumably made it back to the boarding house at 7.30pm after cello practice). 5pm was when the grown-up stuff started and there was nothing more grown-up at that age than Blue Peter.
The rivalry for younger viewers between our two TV channels – BBC and ITV (yes, that’s right, kids, we just had 2 of them in the old days) – was epitomised by Tiswas vs Swap Shop on a Saturday morning but, in the post 5pm weekday slot, Magpie vs Blue Peter was the battleground. The BBC’s flagship children’s TV show was slick, with its nautical theme tune, its audience participation ranging from badges to vandalised gardens and its pets which had a habit of dying every now and then. The presenters were very professional – Val Singleton, Peter Purvis (fresh from Wacky Races), John Noakes and Lesley Judd were my era – and the whole thing was produced by someone called Biddy Baxter who sounded like she was the alter ego for a Marvel superhero but probably wasn’t.
But it was very BBC. It was safe, comfortable, well-scripted and something our parents would approve of. Magpie, on the other hand, was improvised, edgy and a bit rough at the seams. They never pulled out 'one they'd made earlier', preferring to botch it up live instead. It was exactly the same with Tiswas & Swap Shop. Hoi polloi vs establishment. Ovett vs Coe. There was clearly a class dynamic to which station you watched (I was BBC but I’d switch to ITV when my mum was busy cooking the roast swan and my dad hadn’t made it back from his game of real tennis).
The other educational entertainment programme I remember was HOW on ITV where Fred Dineage gave us genuinely informative explanations of how things worked in down-to-earth and understandable language. It was like a kids Tomorrow’s World but done in that typical unpatronising ITV style. We all loved the Native American salute when the presenters chanted HOW in unison but our kids would report them to the police nowadays for cultural appropriation.
Another BBC offer in a similar genre was Why Don’t You (‘…just switch off your television set and go and do something less boring instead’ to give it the full title) which helped us find things to keep us occupied during the holidays. I don’t remember trying any of the boring stuff they suggested until Russell T ‘Dr Who’ Davies took over as producer and told us to saw our mates in half or build a rocket and blast ourselves into space.
Here are some other classic post 5pm shows (some of them may have been a few minutes earlier - please no hate mail):
*Record Breakers – besides the McWhirter twins with their ridiculous memories and Roy Castle performing ‘Dedication’ at the end of the show, the thing I remember most was Roy's own record-breaking endeavours – from tap dancing to airplane wing walking (what??) and playing the same tune on 43 instruments in 4 minutes (had someone else really done 42 or did the producers just hear an anecdote about some bloke playing a few instruments consecutively and thought it sounded like a nice, easy way of securing a spot for Roy in the Guinness Book of Records?).
*Cheggars Plays Pop – here was Keith Chegwin on one of the few TV shows in which he managed to keep all his kit on. It was surprisingly good at attracting bands but was invariably the kiss of death for their song. I’m not kidding. I’ve seen a list of the guest slots. It’s amazing how often not-many-hit wonders played their chart-topper and then followed up a few weeks later with an absolute flop - Classix Nouveaux, King, Brian & Michael of Matchstalk Men fame, Kissing the Pink, Blue Zoo, Bluebells. The Wurzels were practically the house band. I mentioned some of these in an earlier blog on one-hit wonders so what on earth were they doing turning up twice on Cheggars?.
*Crackerjack – it’s Friday, it’s 5 to 5, it’s CRACKERJACK (am I the only one who got a little fed up shouting the name loudly every time it was mentioned? I am? Fight me). It was filmed in what became Shepherds Bush Empire where I’ve seen plenty of excellent bands but never a game of Double Drop. Ed Stewpot Stewart was my presenter but, if you were a little older, you had Michael Aspel and, a little younger, then Stuart Francis was your guy. If you’re getting on a bit, you better have a good memory because the Beeb wiped all but 2 of the Aspel shows whilst retaining the full Stewpot/Francis runs.
Stewpot had with him Peter Glaze and Don Maclean (no, not the bloke who sang Bye Bye Miss American Pie). Stuart Francis, on the other hand, drew the short straw and got the Krankies, one of whom (I'm not sure which) could apparently crush a grape. It was jumble of a show with songs, comedy and some sort of improv play at the end. There were also games where the prizes were pencils. Typical, tight-fisted BBC but it was our money they were spending so I shouldn't complain. You'd rely on them back then not to spend even a few bob on a Diversity Department let alone several million pounds....although they probably needed one a lot more than they do today.
And so, back to Blue Peter. I came to this blog fully intending to give it a roasting All my preconceptions have just been destroyed, though, by one video which I’ll add a link to at the bottom (it’s 8 minutes long and I’m afraid you’ll forget to come back to the blog if I let you have it earlier). It’s not the one of Lulu, the defecating and urinating elephant (and before fans of the Scottish ginger singer give me any grief, I really am referring to an actual elephant). And it’s not the one of Simon Groom presenting us with 2 examples of medieval door furniture and describing them as a beautiful pair of knockers.
No, this is the one of John ‘Get down Shep’ Noakes scaling Nelson’s Column on a rickety ladder tied to the masonry by some old bits of rope, with no safety harness, wearing flared jeans and cracking jokes as the ladder bends backwards at the top to get over the plinth. That is genuinely the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen….and I’ve watched Dr Who & the Weeping Angels while sitting on not behind the settee. On the website, there's a warning that the video ‘contains behaviour which could be imitated’ although they could’ve added ‘but you’d have to be a complete nutter to do so’.
We’ve got so used to health & safety rules and wrapping everyone in cotton wool that we forget that, in our day, a kids programme (and a BBC one at that) would routinely force its presenters to do something like this. Noakesy, respect to you.
Next: ABSOLUTE VERY FIRST TIME...BRITISH KIDS TV PART TWO
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